Patience is not a virtue that I am always able to maintain. I am years ahead of Sully in the patience department but I am not nearly as virtuous as I should be.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t stand in front of the stove chanting “c’mon, c’mon, c’mon’ waiting for the water to boil or dance around in front of the microwave (when we had one) cursing the thirty seconds that were left on the timer. I usually find something to occupy myself for the small amount of time.
It’s the big things, like waiting for a vacation or the holidays. I always have a gazillion things to do but there is no way I can occupy my brain for that long. I find myself folding laundry or washing dishes (yes, Sully does the dishes most of the time but there is the rare occasion that I will take care of some of them) and I find my brain drifting towards whatever thing is coming up. I make lists and count off days on the calendar, and all it does is make me crazier than when I started. In recent years, I have noticed that I end up blocking it all out because I just can’t take the waiting. Then a week before the trip (or holiday) I find myself running around all trying to get it all done.
I see myself doing the same sort of thing with myself this year. The plan is for this year to be different and of course, I have some preconceived notions about where I will end up. I try not to get ahead of myself though, but I have already found myself thinking about it and making lists. It’s time to get myself back to now and what I am trying to do. Life is stressful enough to derail my path to self improvement. I don’t have the luxury of walking away or blocking it out this time. I can’t scurry around a week before New Year’s Day 2013 and think that I will be able to fix what I didn’t get done this year.
I will still make my lists but I am only going to focus on today. I can’t control tomorrow or yesterday, all I can do is make the best of today.