Often times I hear people commenting on other people’s marriages and how they don’t understand certain aspects of the relationship. I’ve had conversations with friends about people that are happily married. Happily married! Why people would want to find trouble where there isn’t any is beyond me but we all know people who are like that. My philosophy is basically this, if it works for them what does it matter to me.
My mother used to worry about my sister’s marriage. Lily and her husband, Hagrid (family joke) like to go camping and take the motorcycle. So, sometimes if they are going to be gone for more than a day or so they need to take the truck. Lily drives the truck and Hagrid rides the motorcycle. My mom was so upset by this, she couldn’t imagine going on a road trip and not spending all that quality time chatting on the way. Honestly, I love that conversation with Sully and Boo on our way to San Diego or Disneyland too. The thing is I don’t really care if my sister and her husband rode robotic turtles on their vacation. It’s their vacation, and if it works for them, then awesome. Why would it matter what I would rather do?
We go to Comicon every year, the local one in Phoenix and until recently the huge one in San Diego. My parents, siblings and their spouses looked like we had just announced we were moving to Borneo when we mentioned where we were going. It works for us and it’s what we do. I don’t care if my sister wouldn’t go, or she thinks I am crazy for going. I don’t mean that in a mean way, it’s just the truth. She loves me and I love her but we don’t have to agree on everything. I like being out in nature but I don’t really love camping. Cooking s’mores around the campfire, you bet, sleeping on the ground, not so much. I think it’s great she and her husband like to do that, more power to them.
In one of the conversations about Lily and Hagrid, Mom started to get upset. I told her, “Mom, if it works for them, why worry?” She started to say something and then stopped, and I added, “Would you want to be stuck in a car with Lily for eight hours?” Of course, that sounds mean but it’s more of a family joke. Lily grew up with ADHD back in the 70’s when no one really knew about it. Lily could talk about anything, for hours… Road trips were crazy because she honestly could not shut herself up. She’s much better now, as long as she doesn’t drink Pepsi, it makes her hyper. My mom had similar ‘worries’ about my brother and his wife and probably voiced a few about Sully and me too. I kept repeating to her, if it works for them why should we care. I mean if they were having cage fights in the backyard and hurting each other then yeah, we might want to say something.
People get married for different reasons and it’s not anyone’s place to say what is the right reason. I am sure we could list a few hundred reasons not to get married but it would be narrowminded and ignorant to limit the right reasons.
Here is part of a online conversation that I had with a friend last week…
Talking about going to Disneyland…
Hope: Yeah, I get funny looks from people when I tell them we go to Disneyland every year and are saving up for annual passes. I actually had a FB friend that posted that Vegas was Disneyland for adults. I thought ‘uhm, no, Vegas is for people that like to drink and lose money.’ Not that I hate Vegas or anything but it’s so not Disneyland for adults.
Leah: Oh, I get those crazy looks too, even the comments of “oh you are one of those moms”…my response “nope one of those people, those disney fanatics, Disneyland has been been my favorite place for 30 years…and only Aurora’s favorite place for 2 years:)” Stefan normally says its my longest relationship:)
Hope: That’s awesome. We went to Disneyland in 2010 for our tenth anniversary. We actually had more than one person asking if we were leaving Boo with Sully’s parents. Seriously? Who would leave their kid behind and go to Disneyland? We got married to be a family. Oy
Leah: Exactly! We are the same way.
Hope: I can’t imagine how upset, devastated I would have been as a kid if my parents went to Disneyland without me.
Leah: I know!!! Aurora would be wrecked if we did that! Plus, we are a family, and yes dates (far and few between) are wonderful and we need our private time…but seriously!
We had been talking about her parents and her not so much fun childhood and how her parents think it’s ok to give advice on parenting, which is laughable seeing all of the collateral damage they left behind.
Leah: But I think the big thing is that people look at children as an accessory in their lives (I know my parents do) and Stefan’s family and Stefan and I look at Aurora as our purpose in our life. I know you and Sully are the same way 🙂
Hope: I totally get that. I feel like my whole life I was looking for Sully. Not that I am nothing with out him but that he is so much of a part of me that I felt incomplete without him. Now, that I have that part of me I am able to become who I am supposed to be. And Boo, she is like the score to a movie. The movie is flat and uninspiring without it. Our lives would be so flat without her. We are so lucky because Sully gets to work from home three days a week. And with Boo being home schooled we spend a lot of time together. We’ve learned that time is fleeting and we are very thankful for being able to be together so much.
Leah: That is so beautiful…
We all have a path to take and hopefully we will find someone to walk that path with us. What we do on that path is up to us. 🙂