It took me a week or so to figure it out but I’ve been a bit down. Yesterday I went into some detail about the things that were on my mind. I hadn’t actually planned on getting so detailed but I suppose those were things that I needed to say.
Today, I am realizing that I am suffering from the side effects of all of that stress. I feel overwhelmed with the amount of things that need to be done and the fact that my motivation is at an all time low.
I saw this and it seems appropriate for how I have been feeling. My depression is over things that have happened in the past. I know I am not going to just be able to move on without looking back. I should, however, be able to remember what has happened while doing what I need to today.
A few years ago we had some issues with our mortgage company. Through no fault of our own we got caught up in the whole mortgage crisis kerfluffle. Our mortgage company got sold to another company and in the ensuing confusion our account was seriously messed up. It took about two years to get it all straightened out even though we had all of the paperwork that was needed to prove our account standing. In those two years, I hardly slept and I worried constantly. I still have anxiety about things. I cringe when our home phone rings, no one but telemarketers and stuff like utilities have that number. All of our friends and family call our cell phones, it got started after all that time waiting at the hospital and doctor’s appointments. Going to the mailbox also causes me anxiety, it’s ridiculous really. I am spending so much energy worrying about things that have not happened or may not happen.
So, how about now? Why don’t I just deal with now and let the rest fall away?
Hmmm, good idea, I will have to work on that.