This morning I find myself in the middle of an uncertain situation. It’s our first Thanksgiving without Sully’s father. We are determined to make the best of it but there’s no denying that we’ve each had our tough moments. Sully, in particular, has had some moments that I feel have demonstrated how he has been affected by the loss. Periodically, he is suddenly and inexplicably angry about something minor or even somewhat imaginary. Luckily the moment passes quickly and we are able to talk and move on.
The main issue today though, has to do with Sully’s mom. Without a doubt, she is bearing the biggest brunt of grief. We are trying to stay engaged with her without smothering her or making her feel like we are just going through the motions. Boo and I have kept up our tradition of meeting with Gramma for lunch every Friday and then Sully joining us all for dinner. We had a lovely Thanksgiving at her house but I worry about her being alone during the long weekend. Every other year it was a long weekend that she and Papa would have enjoyed together. I mentioned coming over on Sunday to help her get her holiday boxes out. She seemed neutral on the idea, not really for it and not really against it.
How do you know? How do you know when to leave someone alone? Or when to intervene? It makes me crazy. I want to help but I certainly don’t want to upset her in my attempt to make it better.
I talked to Sully this morning and he was neutral about all of it too. I tried not to be frustrated since I know he is trying to process things. I mentioned that it was a long weekend to be all alone and he immediately agreed that we should try to get together with her.
Finally, in early afternoon I sent Gramma a text suggesting we come over to her house to have a movie watching afternoon. She had mentioned on Thanksgiving some movies that she had been wanting to watch. I was relieved to get a positive answer. Lunch and movies with Gramma tomorrow afternoon. Yay!
My holiday thought…
My focus for the holidays will be Sully and Boo. I want them to have holidays that are happy and fun. We’ve had so many years where the holidays have taken a back seat to worry and stress. This will not happen this year. Fun and happiness, damn it!