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No words…

Usually on Wednesdays I post about writing, advice from an author or my own progress.  Today though, I find myself coming back over and over to the significance of this day.  I saw this picture this morning and although it was meant for the tenth anniversary in 2011, it stayed with me today.

It was a horrible, mind numbing, unexplainable day, and if I wrote a thousand words, or 52 billion, it still wouldn’t be enough or the right words to express how I felt on that day, or on this day so many years later.

So today, I will simply…

911reflect2

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Remember…

I remember where I was on that Tuesday in September 2001…

I was nearly eight months pregnant with Boo, my mom called to tell me what was going on. She’d been watching CNN after the first tower was hit and saw the second plane. I watched footage all day and probably for weeks afterward. I couldn’t help but think what kind of world I was bringing a baby into. So many years later it is clear that, although our world is changed forever by what happened that day, we continue to be strong, resilient and united. We will always remember this day and the lives that were lost…

 

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Do over…

I want a do over for today, but I won’t get it and that sucks.

This morning our dog, Cooper died, it was sudden and unexpected, and we are heartbroken over it.   He was a sweet, black Labrador with a bum leg that we rescued as a puppy.

Cooper didn’t eat the night before and seemed a little tired.  It had been hot and I thought perhaps he was overheated.  We game him a bath to cool him down and then let him dry off and snooze on the tile in Boo’s bathroom.  The next morning I went in to check on him he was still on the floor but in a different position.  I got something to drink, booted up my computer and went to feed the dogs.  I walked down the hall and saw that Cooper was all laid out, and he was gone.  

I feel guilty that I didn’t do more.  I feel guilty that he died alone in the bathroom. I just had no idea.  I was very grateful that Boo was still asleep.  I was able to move Cooper and clean up the bathroom before she got up.  Sully came home from the office to help Boo and I deal with it all.  He dealt with the vet and transport.  He was really sweet and took good care of us, even though I was resisting the help.

Unfortunately, we were already dealing with the fact that  today, would have been Sully’s dad’s 60th birthday.  I shared that with Lily and she thought that maybe Papa had decided he wanted a dog for his birthday.  It made me feel a little bit better to think that maybe Cooper went fishing with Papa in the happy hereafter.

Our original plan for the day had been to go to Aunt Lily’s after swim class for lunch and swimming at her community pool.  Yet another swim opportunity messed up by circumstances.  Boo was already upset and I was torn, was it appropriate to go swimming after the loss of a pet?  It sounds silly but if we think of these guys as part of our family what’s the protocol here?  Sully finally saved the day and told me to take Boo over to Aunt Lily’s.  After everything this year with his dad he thought it would be a good idea.  She could get away from the house, do something physical and have some fun.

I agreed but the hard part was leaving Sully behind.  He had come home from the office but was working the rest of the day from home.  I don’t normally go out when  he’s home, we are kind of sappy about spending time together.  Plus, the added emotion of it being his dad’s birthday.  He encouraged us to go and I am happy that he did.  We had a nice time.  Boo swam and practiced what she has been learning at Swim class and we both got to have an afternoon off from thinking about all of the not fun stuff.

June+1My June +1 for today was taking the afternoon off.  I seldom do that and I realize it’s something that I need to do more regularly, not just when something awful has happened.
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Not ready…

I haven’t posted in a while.  Sometimes things happen that cause life to come to a screeching halt.  It’s been one of those times for me, but mostly for Sully and his mom.  As I have mentioned before, Sully’s dad has been battling cancer for more than eight years and he has had more and more problems recently.  At the end of March, Sully’s dad decided he’d had enough and went into hospice care.  We had some nice days with him in a lovely hospice facility and he passed away April 9th.

We had prepared ourselves since his initial diagnosis for this to happen but we were not ready.  You can never be ready for the loss of a loved one.  It is sad and wrenching, and completely horrible all the way around.  This is the fifth person in our family to go into hospice, Sully’s grandfather, Sully’s grandmother, my mother and then my father and now Sully’s father.

It isn’t fair and I am not ready…