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It’s about time…

It’s Tuesday and that means that Sully is working in the office today.  Work has been a bit stressful for him over the last few weeks.  Every year his company threatens lay offs and everyone freaks out between September and December.  It’s a bit ridiculous how they use fear to control I mean, motivate the employees.  It doesn’t help that every year they host a huge employee retreat in Hawaii.  Supposedly it’s to reward people for sales and other accomplishments but it’s the same people every year.  This year they didn’t even try act like they were taking the top people.  Usually the top person from each area is invited, this year, they combined the top people from three areas and picked one name.    

So every year, either right before the retreat or right after they get back the lay- off talk starts.  About the same time each year, they shuffle around the bigwigs, some go but most of them just get a new title.  The whole thing is frustrating.

Sully came home annoyed, their whole group is giving up a telecommuting day.  It’s a bummer because it means we will be spending more money on gas and lunches.  It’s not a huge amount but the 25 mile one way trip adds up. 

The cost is a bummer, for sure but the real issue is the time.  Sully and I really treasure the time we have together and his being able to telecommute several times a week is one of the best things about his job.  We know firsthand that life is unpredictable and time is fleeting.  You never know what tomorrow will bring and that you have to make the most of now.  Nobody looks back on their life and thinks ‘I wish I had worked more.’   We are confident that we will be able to look back and feel comfortable that we took advantage of the time given to us together.  My parents met when they were 14 years old and got married at 22 and were happy until my mom passed at the age of 65.  Sully and I didn’t meet until I was 30, we both kind of feel like we have a lot of time to make up.

It’s just more incentive for me to write my book so he doesn’t have to worry.

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Blame me…

It really is my fault.

This week was all about getting through the WTF moments that kept cropping up.  I told myself don’t start anything new, work on finishing stuff I already started.  In that regard, I had a fabulous week, a few things got done including the photos and frames.  I had the same basic plan going into the weekend.   Work on finishing stuff around the house and don’t start anything new.

The only problem with that plan is that I appear to lack the ability to stay focused.

Friday in the midst of the car breaking down drama and talking to Boo about going swimming with Aunt Lily another day we discussed swimming pools.  I sarcastically asked Sully how much a pool would cost.   He took me seriously for a moment and then we were interrupted by the car stuff again.  Later that night I thought about it again and wondered why we couldn’t get a small above ground pool.   I grew up with them and spent all day everyday during the summer either in the pool or around it.  My parents took great care of the pool, my dad even built a deck on one side so people could sit and relax on the side or just stick their feet in.  He made gates to cover the underneath part so we could use it for storage.  It was pretty cool.

When we got home Friday night, I suggested it to Sully.  We talked briefly before Boo wandered in babbling about something.  I wake up this morning and all I can think of it getting a pool.  A little online research and I find that the smaller pools are around $100.  I finally corner Sully and he’s totally for it.  OMG, I am so excited, like I am about to cry excited, so completely ridiculous.  We  picked up the pool Saturday afternoon, ran some other errands and then came home to eat dinner.

After dinner, I was thinking about what needed to be done to get the pool installed and looked at the house.  Oy!  I did it again!  I have all of this stuff to do in the house and I started another damn project.  My irritation pretty much snuffed out my excitement over the pool.  Blerg…

This next week I have to, have to, HAVE TO get some of this stuff done and taken care of, or I am going to just go nuts.  Seriously, have to get it done.

June+1My June +1 for today will be a recap of how things went this last week.  Oddly enough, I did pretty well last week.  Physically, I was full on with my arm/leg workouts and stretching.  Mentally, I am still reading daily, I took a nap one day and over all I am taking better care of myself.  I need to write more but I am thinking about it everyday, which is a step in the right direction.  This week, I need to do a better job drinking water and eating healthy but all in all I am looking at last week as a positive.

 

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot…

Boo and I were up early to go to Aunt Lily’s to swim again.

Sully left for work and about twenty minutes later I got a call from him that he was pulling off of the freeway.  His car had broken down again, seriously?  Boo and I got dressed in a hurry and took care of the critters so that we could go rescue Sully.  Just before we left he called back to say that he thought it was just a flat tire, so we could hold off on the tow truck.

He was right it was just a flat tire but we still had to call a tow truck because we couldn’t get the lug nuts to budge.  Luckily, Sully had pulled off the road about a mile from his mom’s house.  We were able to go there to coordinate the tow truck and repairs.

It’s Friday, so Boo and I were already going to be going to lunch and spending the day with Gramma, it was just going to be after swimming, not instead of.  We spent the day hanging out and watching TV, we caught up on a few shows and watched a movie.  Overall, it was a nice time.

Boo told me that she thought going to Aunt Lily’s to swim was jinxed.  I will have to figure out a way of fixing that impression.  I spent most of the day feeling stressed and frustrated.  It’s just been one of those weeks.   I need to work on that too.

June+1My June +1 for today was nodding and smiling.  It’s not much but coping with a stressful situation is a good thing.  I have accepted that sometimes all you can do is nod and smile.

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A little luck…

…can go a long way.

Sunday night I gave Faith a big pep talk peppered with many pictures of Johnny Depp.  Every time she mentioned being nervous about the surgery I would send a picture of Johnny Depp.  It made her laugh.  I figured by the time she went to the hospital that every time she heard someone say surgery she would think ‘hey!  Johnny Depp.’

She had surgery this morning on her back and last night she was seriously nervous, naturally.  Surgery went well and she is well on her way to a  full recovery.

Here’s the deal, I sent a lot of luck to Faith, for her to be calm, not scared and of course for the surgery to go well.  Judging on the beginning of my day, it seems that I sent all of my luck to her.

I started out the day knowing that I had a bunch to do right off.  The bunnies needed hay which meant that I had to gather together the plastic containers that I use for storing the hay.  I also had to clean out my van so that the containers could be put in the back.   I also needed to set up the portable A/C unit in the garage for the dogs in the afternoon.  None of these jobs are complicated, tedious and annoying, if not a bit time consuming.

So, where’s the hay, Mom?

I got the hay containers gathered and the van cleaned out.  The plan was to go get the hay after Boo’s swim lesson.  I wasn’t thrilled about being outside at noon packing a bale of hay into plastic containers but you do what needs to be done, right?  After swim class we went down to the feed store, no Timothy hay.  Hopefully, they will have it this weekend, otherwise not until the following weekend.  Seriously not happy.

There’s a feed store about 15 miles away but I was really not in the mood to drive that far in 114 degree heat.  Maybe I’ll go Wednesday morning to pick it up or see if I can’t wait for the weekend.  In the meantime, I can pick up bags of hay at Petsmart.

It’s great that I have that option but, of course, that means I have to go out again today to get hay.  It’s annoying it messes up my day, if I have I errands to run I like getting them over and done with.  That way afterwards I can go home and get work done around the house.  There’s always some project that I am working on.

So, the hay situation was resolved and now it was time to deal with the portable A/C unit in the garage.  During the winter, I store the rolling unit covered in the box it came in.  It’s more of a sleeve really, no bottom, no top but it protects it during storage.  I made a top for the box and use the space over it for storing wicker baskets and other lightweight items during cooler temperatures. 

 So, of course, all of that needed to be moved.  It doesn’t really matter that I don’t have a spot for any of it.  My garage is still a mess from Christmas, another source of frustration.  The Christmas decorations are all put away, for the most part, I did come across a stray box of stuff, I am hoping I can just stack it with the other Christmas boxes without having to shift too much.

Anyway, back to the A/C unit, I moved everything around, uncovered the unit hooked up the vent hose and then spent about two hours looking for the heavy duty extension cord that we bought specifically for the A/C unit.   I looked in all of the places that I normally would keep an extension cord and then just kept looking.  I finally gave up, I found another extension cord and was pleased that it didn’t trip the breaker for the garage.

***Update***  I actually found the heavy duty extension cord in the same area that I keep the rabbit hay.  No idea why it was there but I never would have found it if we hadn’t been out of hay.  Weird.

June+1My June +1 today was making a to do list for this week that’s all about taking better care of me.

 

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Family life…

Often times I hear people commenting on other people’s marriages and how they don’t understand certain aspects of the relationship.  I’ve had conversations with friends about people that are happily married.  Happily married!  Why people would want to find trouble where there isn’t any is beyond me but we all know people who are like that.  My philosophy is basically this, if it works for them what does it matter to me.

My mother used to worry about my sister’s marriage.  Lily and her husband, Hagrid (family joke) like to go camping and take the motorcycle.  So, sometimes if they are going to be gone for more than a day or so they need to take the truck.  Lily drives the truck and Hagrid rides the motorcycle.  My mom was so upset by this, she couldn’t imagine going on a road trip and not spending all that quality time chatting on the way.  Honestly, I love that conversation with Sully and Boo on our way to San Diego or Disneyland too.   The thing is I don’t really care if my sister and her husband rode robotic turtles on their vacation.  It’s their vacation, and if it works for them, then awesome.  Why would it matter what I would rather do?  

We go to Comicon every year, the local one in Phoenix and until recently the huge one in San Diego.  My parents, siblings and their spouses looked like we had just announced we were moving to Borneo when we mentioned where we were going.   It works for us and it’s what we do.  I don’t care if my sister wouldn’t go, or she thinks I am crazy for going.  I don’t mean that in a mean way, it’s just the truth.  She loves me and I love her but we don’t have to agree on everything.  I like being out in nature but I don’t really love camping.  Cooking s’mores around the campfire, you bet, sleeping on the ground, not so much.  I think it’s great she and her husband like to do that, more power to them.  


 In one of the conversations about Lily and Hagrid, Mom started to get upset.  I told her, “Mom, if it works for them, why worry?”  She started to say something and then stopped, and I added, “Would you want to be stuck in a car with Lily for eight hours?”  Of course, that sounds mean but it’s more of a family joke.  Lily grew up with ADHD back in the 70’s when no one really knew about it.  Lily could talk about anything, for hours…  Road trips were crazy because she honestly could not shut herself up.   She’s much better now, as long as she doesn’t drink Pepsi, it makes her hyper.  My mom had similar ‘worries’ about my brother and his wife and probably voiced a few about Sully and me too.  I kept repeating to her, if it works for them why should we care.  I mean if they were having cage fights in the backyard and hurting each other then yeah, we might want to say something.  

People get married for different reasons and it’s not anyone’s place to say what is the right reason.  I am sure we could list a few hundred reasons not to get married but it would be narrowminded and ignorant to limit the right reasons.

Here is part of a online conversation that I had with a friend last week…

Talking about going to Disneyland…

Hope:  Yeah, I get funny looks from people when I tell them we go to Disneyland every year and are saving up for annual passes.  I actually had a FB friend that posted that Vegas was Disneyland for adults. I thought ‘uhm, no, Vegas is for people that like to drink and lose money.’ Not that I hate Vegas or anything but it’s so not Disneyland for adults.
Leah:  Oh, I get those crazy looks too, even the comments of “oh you are one of those moms”…my response “nope one of those people, those disney fanatics, Disneyland has been been my favorite place for 30 years…and only Aurora’s favorite place for 2 years:)” Stefan normally says its my longest relationship:)
Hope:  That’s awesome. We went to Disneyland in 2010 for our tenth anniversary. We actually had more than one person asking if we were leaving Boo with Sully’s parents.  Seriously? Who would leave their kid behind and go to Disneyland? We got married to be a family. Oy
Leah:  Exactly!  We are the same way. 
Hope:  I can’t imagine how upset, devastated I would have been as a kid if my parents went to Disneyland without me.
Leah:  I know!!!  Aurora would be wrecked if we did that! Plus, we are a family, and yes dates (far and few between) are wonderful and we need our private time…but seriously!

We had been talking about her parents and her not so much fun childhood and how her parents think it’s ok to give advice on parenting, which is laughable seeing all of  the collateral damage they left behind. 

Leah: But I think the big thing is that people look at children as an accessory in their lives (I know my parents do) and Stefan’s family and Stefan and I look at Aurora as our purpose in our life. I know you and Sully are the same way  🙂
Hope: I totally get that. I feel like my whole life I was looking for Sully. Not that I am nothing with out him but that he is so much of a part of me that I felt incomplete without him. Now, that I have that part of me I am able to become who I am supposed to be.              And Boo, she is like the score to a movie. The movie is flat and uninspiring without it. Our lives would be so flat without her.  We are so lucky because Sully gets to work from home three days a week. And with Boo being home schooled we spend a lot of time together. We’ve learned that time is fleeting and we are very thankful for being able to be together so much.
Leah:  That is so beautiful…

We all have a path to take and hopefully we will find someone to walk that path with us.  What we do on that path is  up to us.  🙂

June+1My June +1 for today was drinking three, 240z tumblers of water.
Yay me!
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Facing the Fear…

Today, I was discussing writing in an email and I wrote this…

I think I am subconsciously telling myself that if I don’t try, then I won’t fail.  Of course the flip side is the whole, if you don’t try, you won’t succeed thing too but my subconscious isn’t listening to any of that.  I told my husband that I am scared to death that I am going to find out that my writing blows.  After all of this work and wanting to do this since I was a kid that thought is terrifying.  So, it’s easier to let it sit.    

All of it is true, and that’s why I am talking about it.  I am so terrified that my writing sucks goats that I would rather not write at all.  Everyday I think about writing.  Everyday I tell myself to write.  Everyday I get mad because I didn’t write the day before.  Everyday.  

If I haven’t been writing then I have weird dreams that make no sense.  After a bit I realize it’s not even me in the dream, they’re characters in a story that I should be writing.  My subconscious brain is giving me a push, and I need to listen.

Earlier this week, author Kevin Hearne posted the following on Facebook.  

Kevin Hearne
Tuesday
Wahoo! Got 2K words finished today and it feels good to get back into the groove. I am currently at the stage where I love my story. Later I’ll be convinced it’s utter rubbish because that’s the nature of a writer’s neurosis, but right now life is good and I’m gonna play with the doggies a bit.
It’s clear that my fear is a common issue for writers, it’s also clear that some of us must be working through it.  After all books are being written, edited and published all the time.
I talked to Sully earlier this year telling him about my fears.  Right away he told me that I was not a bad writer.  My first reaction was that he loves me and of course he is going to say that.  As we talked though, I started to say positive things. 
— Ok, so maybe this story is awful but I can figure out what’s wrong and fix it.  Then when I write the next story it will be a little better.  Just like anything else the more that you do something the better you will be.   I can hear my dad’s voice in my head at this point.  ‘You’re making this harder than it needs to be.  Don’t think about it just sit down and write.’   He’s right, overthinking it won’t help. I need to write what comes to me and deal with any issues in editing and rewrites.  
Warning: Sports analogy – you aren’t going to the Super Bowl, World Series, NBA championships or the Olympics after your first game or match.  You have to step onto the field, court or arena over and over again.  Why should it be any different for me?
Now I need to work on getting the logical voice to silence the neurotic one long enough to get something done. Practice makes perfect, right?  Or at least better than when you started.

June+1My June +1 for today is using free weights to do arm exercises.  I am hoping to do them Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

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Getting ready…

Alright, this is it.  I need to get back to my plan, I am supposed to be taking better care of myself, darn it!   Most of March has been spent with me worrying and taking care of everyone else.  I am glad to help, don’t get me wrong but I am the last person on the list and some days I am just too tired by the time I get to me.

This week though, I am gearing up.  I am getting myself ready.  April 1st is on Sunday and April Fool’s Day or not I am going to get myself back on track.

Here is my list to work on this week…

  • Drink more water –  I need to get back to my 64 oz.
  • Stretching –  My legs are always sore by the end of the day, H2O might be involved too.
  • Exercise –  I still have a bit of a cough if I move wrong so this might have to wait.
  • Sleep –  It might be a good idea to get more than 6 hours of sleep every night.
  • Crafts –  I need to keep doing stuff that is not stressful.  Projects help me get stuff done while having a calm few hours.
  • Writing –  I absolutely have to get started on my editing.  I have put it off far too long.

So, Plan A was to start all of this in January and stick to it forever after.  Clearly, it’s time to invoke Plan B, which is to jump back in and plan to stick to it.  Woohoo!!!