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Positivity…

Today was one of those days that actually went pretty well.  We went out to lunch and did some browsing at Pier 1 and Michael’s.  We relaxed and did some chatting.  Then things got annoying.  I am not going to go into it here but it was annoying and it threatened to ruin my day.

Luckily, I was able to stop and take a deep breath.  It would have been easy to give in to the frustration but I made the decision to let it go.    There’s not a lot I can control when it comes to other people  but I can control whether they ruin my day.  I chose to let go of the negativity and focus on the positive.  I griped for a few minutes then pushed it aside and had a great night.

My hope is that I can continue to feel in control of these situations.  I’ve spent too long feeling like I was responsible for everyone else and how they were feeling without giving much thought to how I was feeling.  That situation wears on you after a while, and it isn’t very helpful to anyone really.   It’s just made a few people think that they can do anything that they want and I will just go along with it so that I don’t make waves.  This has become a problem because I don’t really care.  I mean I still don’t want to make waves but if it happens then oh well.  I am just not going to make waves for the sake of being assertive or snotty.  I’ve been there for other people now it’s time for me to ‘be there’ for me.  I am going to do my best to help people but my life comes first, Boo and Sully come first, and then everyone and everything else.  It should be interesting to see how this all turns out.

passiton-positivity

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Jazz hands…

2012 was supposed to be the year that I spent time on myself. I was going to eat better, exercise, lose the weight that’s been creeping up and up every year. I was going to rededicate myself to my writing and finally do the rewrites on my finished NaNo project from 2009. I even started this blog on January 1st so I could keep track along the way.

The year turned out to be not so good, but there was some good stuff, in between the bad. I wrote over 200 blog posts, I made some in roads personally and I cut down my Dr Pepper intake to 12 ounces or less a day.

Overall, though, I am looking forward to 2012 being over. I’ll even be nice and wave goodbye with Jazz hands.

Come on, 2013. Let’s do this!

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This year…

As we head into this holiday season I am finding that I am actually looking forward to it in a way that I haven’t felt in several years.  Growing up I always enjoyed and anticipated the holidays but after my father passed away in December 2007 I’ve felt a bit removed from them.  The first year, Christmas came less than two weeks after his passing and I was in a fog for much of it.  Christmas morning felt odd, like I had been away for some time and we were celebrating Christmas the week after it had actually occurred.  I survived it and my family was lovely, especially Sully and his parents but it was fairly awful.  It’s not surprising though that in subsequent years that I felt less than my usual enthusiastic holiday spirit.

This year I feel better and I am glad for it.  I am not sure if I am feeling better because enough time has past and the memories of that Christmas have faded.   My father in law passed in April and now it’s my turn to get Sully and Boo through the holidays.  So, whether it’s the distraction of helping others or that time is healing these wounds, I am feeling good and engaged in the holidays this year.

Now, if only I could get my house decorated and all of the boxes back into the garage.

My holiday thought…

This year I am going to enjoy it.  I am not going to spend all of my energy trying to get stuff done.  I will still get stuff done but this year I am going to take the time to  be a part of it all.

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How do you know…

This morning I find myself in the middle of an uncertain situation.  It’s our first Thanksgiving without Sully’s father.  We are determined to make the best of it but there’s no denying that we’ve each had our tough moments.  Sully, in particular, has had some moments that I feel have demonstrated how he has been affected by the loss.  Periodically, he is suddenly and inexplicably angry about something minor or even somewhat imaginary.  Luckily the moment passes quickly and we are able to talk and move on.  

The main issue today though, has to do with Sully’s mom.  Without a doubt, she is bearing the biggest brunt of grief.  We are trying to stay engaged with her without smothering her or making her feel like we are just going through the motions.  Boo and I have kept up our tradition of meeting with Gramma for lunch every Friday and then Sully  joining us all for dinner.  We had a lovely Thanksgiving at her house but I worry about her being alone during the long weekend.  Every other year it was a long weekend that she and Papa would have enjoyed together.  I mentioned coming over on Sunday to help her get her holiday boxes out.  She seemed neutral on the idea, not really for it and not really against it.

How do you know?  How do you know when to leave someone alone?  Or when to intervene?  It makes me crazy.  I want to help but I certainly don’t want to upset her in my attempt to make it better.  

I talked to Sully this morning and he was neutral about all of it too.  I tried not to be frustrated since I know he is trying to process things.  I mentioned that it was a long weekend to be all alone and he immediately agreed that we should try to get together with her.  

Finally, in early afternoon I sent Gramma a text suggesting we come over to her house to have a movie watching afternoon.  She had mentioned on Thanksgiving some movies that she had been wanting to watch.   I was relieved to get a positive answer.  Lunch and movies with Gramma tomorrow afternoon.  Yay!

My holiday thought…

My focus for the holidays will be Sully and Boo.  I want them to have holidays that are happy and fun.  We’ve had so many years where the holidays have taken a back seat to worry and stress.  This will not happen this year.  Fun and happiness, damn it!

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Working it out…

Last night didn’t go as planned.  At about 10:00 I got really tired, I decided to take my shower and after that my stomach was so upset.  I laid down just before 11pm and I was out for the count.  I missed my arm workout but since Sunday is a free day I can get back on track that day without messing up my 21 day challenge.  I had gotten everything else done before that.  So, yay me!  I think my tummy problem was more muscle soreness than general nausea.  Apparently I needed the sleep too.

I feel much better today and we are having a good day of swimming and watching the Olympic Trials.  The trials are a good mix of Swimming, Track and Field and Gymnastics.  I can’t believe they hold the trials only a few weeks before the Olympics start.  I guess it is good for picking the athletes that are ready right now to compete but it must be hard for families to plan ahead for getting to the Games.  How do they get plane tickets and event tickets?  Much less hotel rooms, kind of crazy.

After dinner I worked on finally sewing the curtains for the master bathroom.  For the beach theme I picked out a dark teal color.  I kind of wanted to get a blue, like azure or blue topaz but the towels are a light teal and this was a close as I could get.  The dark teal is really pretty regardless of where it’s going, and it looks good in the bathroom.  I will try to add a picture of the final result later in the week.

Dinner tonight was so good.  We had salmon with tomatoes, avocados and hummus, pita chips and pesto pasta salad for dinner.  It felt like a feast, really one of my favorite meals now.  I think a regular green salad would’ve gone great with everything too.

Day 3

 1.  Water –  3 – 24 oz. tumblers

2.  Shimmy –  Episode 3 (hip piston, snake arms, three quarter shimmy)

3.  Writing  –  Brainstorm Timeline

4.  ExercisesArms workout and stretching

5.  Project –  Craft room (20 minutes)