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No problem…

calendar multiYou know how you decide to do something but you’ve got a couple of months to get it done and you’re thinking, no problem.  Then suddenly you look up and that day is looming?  Yeah, that day for me is tomorrow.  It’s a little craft project that I could have been working on while I watched TV in the evenings.  I’ve been wrapped up in my redecorating project though I just didn’t do it.   I kept thinking, I’m almost done, I’ll just concentrate on getting this done and then I’ll move on.  Big projects like these take time and usually about twice as long as you estimate so I should have known better.

Now, I am not only still behind on my redecorating project but also feeling guilty because I didn’t get this crafty stuff done.  It’s for a teacher friend of mine and school starts tomorrow.  Hopefully I can get them in the mail by Tuesday.  Here’s hoping…

 

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Dread…

thermometer

I’ve lived in Arizona all of my life.  The summers are hot, someone suggested earlier that you would get used to the heat or you could be like me and my husband, another AZ native and get to the point where you can’t stand the summer.  It hits 100° mid May, stays 110° and hotter through June and July and if we are lucky it might cool down in October.  One year it was 100° on Halloween, I was not amused.  It makes life difficult and for the past five years or so it’s really affected me.  I know Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is most commonly attributed to the winter months but it can also hit some people in the summer as well.*

The causes for SAD are difficult to  pinpoint, some research blames the lack of light, others suggest that diminished activity may also be to blame.  I think anytime your regular life activities are limited it can cause problems.  If you want to take a walk and you can’t, it doesn’t really matter if it’s too cold or too hot.  It may sound overly dramatic but at times it feels as though you are trapped in your house, sneaking out in the early morning or late into the evening, even then the temperature is often still hovering near 100°.  It can be a bit unbearable at times and in the past I’ve really struggled to stay positive during the summer months.

For several years we would vacation for a week in the later part of July.  We would enjoy the 70° weather and then come back to the tail end of monsoon season.  The temperature would still be 110° plus high humidity and the transition from the cooler weather to the uncomfortably warm would send me into a funk.  In those times I remember feeling very hopeless and trapped.  It seemed a cruel thing to spend a week in nice, cool weather only to once again be dropped into the hell that is Arizona in the late summer.  Again, this will sound overly dramatic but I almost felt like I was being punished.

We’ve since moved our trip into August and that has helped a lot.  Now we spend those hot, humid days preparing for our trip; packing, talking about what day we are going to do what and most of all, looking forward to vacation.  I think this is important, you have to have something to look forward to.  In the past, when we got home we’d have to look forward to the weather cooling down.  At the end of July, October feels really far away.  Now when we get home most of the humidity is gone, the temperatures are a little lower and it seems just that much easier to handle.  Also, we are that much closer to October and hopefully, cooler weather.

Someday we will move out of Arizona.  It’s bound to happen given how much both Sully and I dread the weather here but for now I can deal with the weather as long as I have something to look forward to.

*You can find more info on summer depression at WebMD.

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Positivity…

Today was one of those days that actually went pretty well.  We went out to lunch and did some browsing at Pier 1 and Michael’s.  We relaxed and did some chatting.  Then things got annoying.  I am not going to go into it here but it was annoying and it threatened to ruin my day.

Luckily, I was able to stop and take a deep breath.  It would have been easy to give in to the frustration but I made the decision to let it go.    There’s not a lot I can control when it comes to other people  but I can control whether they ruin my day.  I chose to let go of the negativity and focus on the positive.  I griped for a few minutes then pushed it aside and had a great night.

My hope is that I can continue to feel in control of these situations.  I’ve spent too long feeling like I was responsible for everyone else and how they were feeling without giving much thought to how I was feeling.  That situation wears on you after a while, and it isn’t very helpful to anyone really.   It’s just made a few people think that they can do anything that they want and I will just go along with it so that I don’t make waves.  This has become a problem because I don’t really care.  I mean I still don’t want to make waves but if it happens then oh well.  I am just not going to make waves for the sake of being assertive or snotty.  I’ve been there for other people now it’s time for me to ‘be there’ for me.  I am going to do my best to help people but my life comes first, Boo and Sully come first, and then everyone and everything else.  It should be interesting to see how this all turns out.

passiton-positivity

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Satellite…

I’ve felt frazzled all week and to be honest the week wasn’t that bad.  Boo was getting over her cold and Sully ended up with an ear infection.  I am not thrilled about either of them being sick but it’s not the end of the world either.  Those two things along with the several other annoying things that happened this week really should not have bummed me out as much as I have been this week.

Today, I was in the car with my sister and I felt like I was about to come out of my skin.  After a few moments I looked at her and said, “Are you extremely stressed out?”  She said yes, and that she’s so upset about everything going on with her husband.  I told her that she needed to let it go because I felt like I was coming apart.  “I don’t know if I want to cry, puke or slap someone,” I told her, leaving out the part where I really wanted to slap her.   It would have been completely uncalled for but I still think it would have made me feel better.

This sensitivity thing, where I pick up on other people’s feelings, is not a new thing.  I’ve done it since I was a kid, I didn’t really understand it then, not that I really understand it now.  It was kind of freaky when I was a kid and I tried to ignore it as much as possible.  As I got older I’ve found it more and more difficult to ignore.  It seems like the days that I ignore it end up being like today where I end up extremely agitated and emotional.

When I was in college I remember talking to my dad about it.  I had just come back from visiting a friend from out of state and I was telling him how I had discovered that I didn’t really like to fly.  In our conversation, I started picking apart what I meant.  It wasn’t a fear of flying or of heights, or the length of the flight.  It wasn’t being stuck in our seats or the tiny restroom.  There weren’t any obnoxious people sitting around me or a crying baby on the flight.   I finally got around to talking about the plane being full and the constant buzzing.  After talking a bit more I realized the buzzing sound wasn’t the plane or people talking but it was all of the emotions of the people on the plane.  Right away he says, “You’re like a big satellite.  You collect all of these emotions that people are sending out.”  He said that he’d seen me doing that since I was a kid.  It was nice to hear, I kind of thought I was a bit nutty.

This all probably does sound a bit nutty.  I am not saying I am psychic or that I have secret powers.  I am not Jean Grey, I can’t read your mind or move objects with mine.   I’d love to move objects with my mind, if I could.  I mean honestly I think that would be the most awesome power.  I have no desire to read your mind though, you can keep your pervy thoughts to yourself, thank you very much.

Kimcanyn (2)

Also, I just discovered that this is a thing that other people experience, it’s normal not a disorder.  I am a highly sensitive person, which anyone that knows me and has seen me cry at commercials or some other random thing already knows.  When I was a kid I was told I was ‘too’ sensitive, that I needed to toughen up.  I did toughen up and I am still highly sensitive.  I am ok with that.

Check out Dr. Elaine Aron’s website to get more information on being highly sensitive.  If you are wondering if you might be highly sensitive there is a self-test here.   You can also check out the November 2012 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, for a small article and a great version of the test.  This test gathers your answers to give you a result along with some helpful information.

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Phase 2:  Day 13
 
I still haven’t walked.  I need to get back to it soon, hopefully this weekend.
 
I’ve been keeping up with my strength exercises.   My upper body workout is going really well, I am now doing three sets of 12 repetitions.  I added tricep dips this week.
 
My morning and night routines are actually going really well.
 
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Uhmmm…

This morning I got a call from Sully about the time that he would have been arriving at work.  He was really upset, he’d stopped to get coffee at the convenience store near work and couldn’t find his debit card.  Now Sully is meticulous about stuff, I mean he has serious OCD tendencies.  If the card was gone then someone else had to have helped the situation.  He had already gone back inside and asked the cashier about it but the cashier didn’t have it.  I got off of the phone with Sully and immediately called the bank to cancel the card.  I was on hold for over eight minutes and I was about to freak the heck out when they finally answered.  I got the card cancelled before any weird charges showed up but they had to talk to Sully in order for him to request a new card.  How ridiculous is that?

Sully hadn’t been feeling well to begin with and decided after losing the card that he should work from home.  I am glad he did, not only because I love having him home but he was feeling pretty rotten by the end of the day.  I’d have hated for him to have to drive home like that.   

And the rest of my day was very much like this …

memory

 

I really did try to get things done but there were too many distractions.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phase 2:  Day 9

I didn’t walk or do my strength exercises today.   This afternoon I was still tired and sore from all of the construction work over the weekend.  I decided to give myself a day off.

I am still going strong with the am/pm routines.

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Mix…

Today was the perfect mix of relaxing and getting things done.  Sully was working from home and Boo and I had an easy school day.  After the chaos of Monday, the productivity of Tuesday and the lackluster of yesterday I was ready for a more balanced day.

Sometimes I watch TV, either shows or commercials and I find myself wondering about other people’s lives.  Do other people really have a clean house everyday?  I mean clean, people stopping by kind of clean, my house is straightened, well, most days if I am in the middle of a project probably not.  So, straightened but not really in condition for guests.  It makes me crazy, I will get everything cleaned up and then the next day it’s a mess again.  The monotony of housework is probably the main problem, I mean, talk about never ending.  Every week I wash the same clothes, sweep the same floors, wipe down the same counters and about a gazillion other things.  I do all of that knowing that I will have to do it again tomorrow or next week.  It’s a bit daunting and a little depressing some days.  Mom hours

I was in Home Depot the other day and this guy looks over at me and says, “You must have taken the day off so you could paint.”  He kind of said it like I was some clueless woman that had no business being in Home Depot.  I don’t know if he meant it like that but it’s sure how it sounded, the woman behind me even groaned.  I replied, “Nope, I am a stay at home mom, I don’t get any days off.”  The paint guy at Home Depot smiled and said, “It’s pretty tough, huh?”  I shrugged, “It’s like any other job, it’s got it’s up and downs.  For the most part it’s good, just no days off.”  He laughed, which I appreciated.  The other guy shut up immediately and stayed out of my way after that.

My hope is that one of these days I will get on a schedule where the house will stay clean with minimum effort.  I am sure I am reaching but I can still hope, right?

 

Phase 1:  Day 12
 
I had another good walk, I walked 0.7 miles in just under 13 minutes.  I am looking forward to adding to my distance.  
 
I am starting to really feel my upper body workout, moving all of those boxes this week are probably adding to my workout.
 
Water = 32 ounces