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Uhmmm…

This morning I got a call from Sully about the time that he would have been arriving at work.  He was really upset, he’d stopped to get coffee at the convenience store near work and couldn’t find his debit card.  Now Sully is meticulous about stuff, I mean he has serious OCD tendencies.  If the card was gone then someone else had to have helped the situation.  He had already gone back inside and asked the cashier about it but the cashier didn’t have it.  I got off of the phone with Sully and immediately called the bank to cancel the card.  I was on hold for over eight minutes and I was about to freak the heck out when they finally answered.  I got the card cancelled before any weird charges showed up but they had to talk to Sully in order for him to request a new card.  How ridiculous is that?

Sully hadn’t been feeling well to begin with and decided after losing the card that he should work from home.  I am glad he did, not only because I love having him home but he was feeling pretty rotten by the end of the day.  I’d have hated for him to have to drive home like that.   

And the rest of my day was very much like this …

memory

 

I really did try to get things done but there were too many distractions.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phase 2:  Day 9

I didn’t walk or do my strength exercises today.   This afternoon I was still tired and sore from all of the construction work over the weekend.  I decided to give myself a day off.

I am still going strong with the am/pm routines.

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Mix…

Today was the perfect mix of relaxing and getting things done.  Sully was working from home and Boo and I had an easy school day.  After the chaos of Monday, the productivity of Tuesday and the lackluster of yesterday I was ready for a more balanced day.

Sometimes I watch TV, either shows or commercials and I find myself wondering about other people’s lives.  Do other people really have a clean house everyday?  I mean clean, people stopping by kind of clean, my house is straightened, well, most days if I am in the middle of a project probably not.  So, straightened but not really in condition for guests.  It makes me crazy, I will get everything cleaned up and then the next day it’s a mess again.  The monotony of housework is probably the main problem, I mean, talk about never ending.  Every week I wash the same clothes, sweep the same floors, wipe down the same counters and about a gazillion other things.  I do all of that knowing that I will have to do it again tomorrow or next week.  It’s a bit daunting and a little depressing some days.  Mom hours

I was in Home Depot the other day and this guy looks over at me and says, “You must have taken the day off so you could paint.”  He kind of said it like I was some clueless woman that had no business being in Home Depot.  I don’t know if he meant it like that but it’s sure how it sounded, the woman behind me even groaned.  I replied, “Nope, I am a stay at home mom, I don’t get any days off.”  The paint guy at Home Depot smiled and said, “It’s pretty tough, huh?”  I shrugged, “It’s like any other job, it’s got it’s up and downs.  For the most part it’s good, just no days off.”  He laughed, which I appreciated.  The other guy shut up immediately and stayed out of my way after that.

My hope is that one of these days I will get on a schedule where the house will stay clean with minimum effort.  I am sure I am reaching but I can still hope, right?

 

Phase 1:  Day 12
 
I had another good walk, I walked 0.7 miles in just under 13 minutes.  I am looking forward to adding to my distance.  
 
I am starting to really feel my upper body workout, moving all of those boxes this week are probably adding to my workout.
 
Water = 32 ounces
 
 
 
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Starting…

Scary start

I just read this quote and realized how perfect it is for today.  Starting something new can be pretty scary, there’s the fear of the unknown and all of that.

For me, I find that I am hindered by expectations.  It’s fairly normal for someone to have expectations regarding the outcome of a project or plan.  For most people it’s a question of finishing the project or the general quality of the results.  Apparently, I am not like most people.  I find myself creating imaginary scenarios, which makes more outcomes that I have to plan for.

There are a few things that I struggle with starting and sticking to, losing weight and writing.  It wouldn’t be so bad if all I was concerned about was failure.   It goes deeper than that though.

In regards to losing weight, I worry about failure.  I don’t want to fail and possibly gain even more weight.  When I am trying to lose weight I usually don’t tell anyone.  It’s embarrassing, that I need to lose weight, and then I stress about how people will react if I don’t succeed.  I have that poisonous voice in my head that whispers evil things in my ear.  So, I am thinking about all of the things that people would be saying behind my back, how they aren’t surprised that I failed, that I shouldn’t have tried in the first place, that I will always be a ‘big girl’, that either way it really doesn’t matter.  I’ve actually had someone tell me the ‘big girl’ one, I will never forget that one.

As bad as failure is, I worry about succeeding too.  It’s a lot of pressure.  I am not particularly vain and yet, I can’t help but think of how I will look after I lose the weight.  What if I lose weight and I am still not happy with how I look?  The evil voice likes to tell me that it won’t matter, I will be unattractive either way.*  I can hear the “other” people whispering about how it’s so sad that I did all of that work and it really didn’t matter.

OMG, I think I just learned something while writing this.  I am apparently really afraid that I don’t matter.  Wow…

*I am so very lucky that I have Sully.  He tells me that I am beautiful, cute, amazing and other great compliments on a daily basis.  It helps a lot with tuning out the evil voice.

Phase 1

Day 1…
.
 

My goal for Phase 1 is to walk everyday and do my weight/strength exercises six days a week.  I’ve already gotten a jump on these this week so, I am excited to continue on and see some great results.

Boo and I walked during halftime of the later football game.  A brisk ten minute walk, 0.60 miles.  I know we will get faster and cover more distance as we continue to walk everyday.

Today is Sunday, I don’t have strength exercises scheduled today but I am going to do an extended stretching session.

*I am so very lucky that I have Sully.  He tells me that I am beautiful, cute, amazing and other great compliments on a daily basis.  It helps a lot with tuning out the evil voice.


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Bye, bye…

I will be happy when 2012 is over, it was tough year all around.  It started off rough with Papa’s medical issues, worsened as his struggle became too much and he went into hospice.   In June, one of our dogs passed, followed by my 2o year old cat in October, and my sweet Labrador, Hunter the next month.   In the same week that we lost Hunter my sister’s husband had a stroke and has been hospitalized since.  

There have been good times in between, a trip to San Diego, a few trips to Disneyland, movies, birthdays, hanging out with friends, chatting on Facebook…  I am thankful for these moments and will never forget how they got me through the year.

Today, I am thinking about 2012, the good parts and the bad parts.  I’ve decided that I will keep what I have learned but I am letting go of the stress, guilt, depression, sadness, anger and regret and letting it fly away.

Bye 2012

I am looking forward to a fresh start.  I have a good feeling about 2013.  🙂

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Not so much…

Today started out well and then declined into a fairly frustrating day.

The morning went well, we had a nice breakfast at a quiet restaurant not too far from home and then did some quick shopping.  I wore my hiking boots and that seemed to be a good choice for my ankle.  Of course, they are a bit heavier than my normal shoes and I was feeling a little tired when we got home.  Nothing was really going on so I sat down and put my foot up.  I had barely sat down when there was an issue that I needed to weigh in on.  No big deal, I got up and we figured it out.  I sat back down and put my foot back up.  Then the dog threw up and then something else happened, at that point I abandoned the idea of putting my foot up.

I moved on to straightening my desk, then I got a phone call, I put it on speaker and kept sorting paperwork.  For the most part that was fine but I had a stack of stuff I needed to shred and couldn’t very well do it while talking on the phone.  I don’t blame the person that called but it was bad timing and I could’ve let the call go to voicemail.  It was just one of those things that didn’t really work for me at the time and combined with the other interruptions I was frustrated and irritable.  

There were periods of peace and quiet that I am thankful for but they were definitely banked by times of interruption.  I know I should be more Zen about it but I think I would need more sleep and possibly some medication for that.

Today, I am thankful for peaceful moments.  And the Mythbusters, we watched a few episodes today.  I’d seen them all before but it was a good thing to watch amid the interruptions.