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Derailed…

Ugh, this has been a week.  I have definitely had worse weeks, and of course better weeks too.   The problem with this week is that there has been so many distractions and so much stress that my schedule and plans have been completely derailed.  

train-tracks

I haven’t walked all week.  My plans for getting stuff done in the house were pushed aside which is putting me way behind in so many ways.  I am at the point where I need to get one thing done in order to do another thing and both of those things are connected to fifty other things that needed to be done about a month ago.

Luckily today, Boo and I are hanging out with Gramma.  I’ve got a notebook with me and I am making a new plan that will hopefully help me get back on track.  If I think about all of the things that need to be done I get overwhelmed and then I start thinking about all of the time that I’ve lost dealing with stressful situations.  I’ve always known that this train of thought wasn’t particularly helpful.  It’s only recently though that I’ve realized how focusing on what I didn’t get done or other negative thoughts can be somewhat damaging.

I’ve developed a bad habit, every time I finish a task instead of being happy and feeling like I’ve accomplished something I feel like it’s not enough.  My inner voice is saying, ‘Great, you painted two small walls blue, yay you.  What about the laundry?  Did you finish that?  What about the floors?  They need to be dustmopped and mopped.  Have you seen the garage?  Or the third bedroom?’    I hate it, because I finish something and I have about a half a minute of , ‘hey look at that!’ before I hear myself sigh.  I’ve already moved on to thinking about everything that has not gotten done.   I just realized while writing this that by doing this that I’ve essentially been derailing myself.  How can I possibly move forward when all I see in front of me is an ever expanding pile of things that need to be cleaned, fixed or moved?  Ugh, I’ll have to work on this and get back to you.

Phase 2:  Day 6

I didn’t take my walk today but I wandered through Staples and made a good trek in and around Home Depot.

My lower body workout went well.  I found a really good video tutorial on the progression of the single leg deadlift.  On the blog of Coach Kevin Carr, he has several pictures and videos to help with correction and progress from beginner to advanced.  I found it very helpful and I am already seeing a difference in my balance and extension.

My morning and night routines are going better than I expected, especially with how messed up everything else has been.  It’s definitely one of the few things I can control.  Yay me, for sticking to the plan!

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Permission…

I am often surprised after finishing a project. Usually it’s a project that I have put off for months, possibly years.  My surprise comes from how quick and easy the project ended up being.  I put off making a cornice box over our kitchen window for the longest time and it took less than an hour to make.  It took longer to sew the valance for the cornice box.  

There have been several other projects that have gone the same way.  I cut a cat door into the garage and moved the litter boxes out of the house.  We had those weird sliding doors in the bedrooms that overlapped cutting off easy access to that middle part of the garage, I removed them in Boo’s room and put up a curtain.  I ended up doing the same in the third bedroom.  It really helped, it was much easier to get into the closet and it made the room look bigger.  I could name a few other projects but that’s not the point.

The point is that I have put off taking care of me for far too long.  Just like these projects I have seen myself as a project that was overwhelming.  The “me” project was going to take too long.  It’s too involved.  There’s no foreseeable end.   Too much time and effort.  I need to focus on Sully, Boo, or (insert name here).   There are so many more important things that I need to fix first.

I had thought of all of the excuses to not take care of me.  This year I am thinking about all of the reasons that I should take care of me.  It’s not overwhelming, I can make small changes along the way.  There is no time limit, I am a work in progress.  I need to take care of me so that I can help everyone else.  The hardest… I am important, my well being is important not only to me but to everyone around me.

It was easy to write those reasons but it will take some time before they sink in.  I will continue to repeat them to myself until I believe it.  It is clear to me that it will be a struggle some days.  I am giving myself permission to focus on myself.  I am starting to realize that a better me will be more helpful to Boo and Sully.  It makes sense that a healthier, stronger and more well rested me would be better prepared to face the challenges in our lives.

I’ve realized this past year that I really want to make this change not only for me but also for Boo.  I watched my mom put everyone ahead of herself time and time again.  I understand it and of course, I see myself doing it now.  The problem is that over time she became fairly bitter about it.  The other side effect of her ignoring her needs is that she never went to the doctor and her health suffered.  I want Boo to learn that it’s important to take good care of yourself.  I want to be that good example for Boo.

It’s not going to be easy but I am going to try to make more moments that are all about me.  It’s important, and after all I have my permission.

Phase 1:  Day 4…
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I had a good walk I am up to 12 minutes.

Today was my lower body workout.  2 sets of 15, with only minor fatigue at the end of the second set.  

Water = 56 ounces

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Where it started…

Back in the mid 1990’s, I was watching a lot of college football.   NFL football was in transition, at least for me.  I had grown up a Cowboys fan, with no team in Arizona and Danny White, an ASU stand out at quarterback it was a given.  When Tom Landry was fired and Danny White released my loyalty to them faded quickly.  The Cardinals had moved from St. Louis to Arizona in 1988 and were consistently horrible from the beginning.  I remember when talk first started to circle that Phoenix might get a team.  I talked to anyone and everyone about it.  I wanted one of the expansion teams to come here, I thought we needed something new and fresh, not some team that another town didn’t want.  I was about fifteen at the time and although most people agreed with me apparently the NFL thought otherwise.  So, Cardinals left St. Louis and we got the Bidwells, seriously not the best deal.  

I wasn’t their biggest fan but I loved football and tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.  The Cardinals had a 7  – 9 record the first year, followed by several years of 4 – 12 and 5 – 11 records and didn’t do better than the 7 – 9 until 1998.   They had front office issues, coach issues and weren’t exactly community friendly.   Instead of just picking whatever NFL team was winning at the time I started watching more college football and let the business minded NFL go on without me.  I am sure it was hard for them to do but they seemed to survive it.

Saturdays were great, NCAA football had games starting at 10:00am and all through the afternoon and evening.  I was back in college at the time and did a lot of my studying during those football games.  The early games would be Big-10 and ACC,  the SEC and marquee games midday, later games would feature PAC-10 and WAC or the occasional big match up at night.

It was during this time that I started watching a certain Tennessee quarterback named Peyton Manning.  At first I was picking the Tennessee game just because everyone knew it would be a good game, no matter who they played.  Then I was simply impressed by Peyton (and yes, I call him Peyton, I mean I’ve been watching him for over 15 years, right?).  On the field, Peyton was confident and efficient and off of the field, in every sideline report he was nice, respectful and smart.  

In a world where professional athletes acted like they owned the world it was refreshing to see him so well grounded.

So, that’s how it started, later this week I will talk more about where we are now.

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The Price of Beauty…

I have spent the last day and a half looking at the Beautypedia website.  In my quest to take better care of myself I have decided to at least attempt to maybe wear makeup every once and a while.   I realized that I hadn’t bought mascara in years.  I have had new mascara, mind you, Faith gave me some Mary Kay mascara last year and my sister gave me a gift set the year before that had mascara.  The thing is though that in recent years there have been a lot of changes in regards to mascara.  There is plumping mascara, lengthening mascara, thickening mascara, waterproof mascara, non-clumping mascara, curling mascara and probably ten others that I didn’t mention.  It’s a little much just for gunk to put on your eyelashes.  I am not that picky, I want something that will stay on my eyelashes, mascara that separates my lashes and that I don’t have to use lighter fluid to get it off at night.  Oh, I also have no need for huge, fake looking Spider Lady of the Black Night eyelashes either.

In the reviews on Beautypedia, I noticed that they were keeping track of which companies test their products on animals.  I am actually surprised that so many companies are still doing this.  Being the owner of two rabbits, I can’t reconcile hurting animals for the off chance someone might look a little better.  My bunnies are sweet and loving, I would never want anything to happen to them.  (Why yes, I did say bunnies.  They are super adorable.  Check out the pictures!)

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My sweet bunnies, Cuba (left) and Dizzy (above).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was happy to learn that Mary Kay and Revlon, the two cosmetic brands I have used the most in the recent past, do not test on animals.  I was not happy to see that Neutrogena. Cover Girl, and a host of others still do animal testing.  I am really disappointed with Neutrogena, which I have used  since high school but no more.  I am still on the hunt for a few things I need.  I will probably stick with Mary Kay or Revlon, I have liked them before and like them even more now that I know they aren’t hurting my bunny friends.

I am not a crazy animal activist.  PETA annoys me with their over the top reactions to things but I do love and care about animals and how they are treated.  I donate money to animal rescues and charities.  I do my best to help all animals and so, I will avoid buying products from companies that aren’t animal friendly.  It’s not worth hurting another living creature for any reason and especially not for fake beauty.