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Believing…

Remember when I was talking about expectations and that evil voice inside your head?  Here’s something to think about.  I read an article recently, I don’t remember where and I’ve been looking for a week.  When I find it I will add a link to it here.  Anyway, the article basically said that you believe what you say.  So, if you say to yourself, “I don’t want to go play tennis, I am going to suck at it,” the chances are that you will end up sucking.  According to the article studies have been done showing that athletes that said that they would win, would win more often than those that said they would lose.  The athletes didn’t even have to believe that they would win, they just had to say it to make a difference.  

Believe

We’ve all said something and then added, “If I keep saying it maybe I’ll even start believing it.” Apparently this can actually be a true statement.  I wonder what would happen if we replaced all of our negative thoughts with positive ones.  If we replaced ‘I can’t’ with ‘I can’.  Everyone I talk to has that voice that cuts them down.  How often do people say that they themselves are their worst critic?  I have talked to a lot of writers and they always mention that inner critic that causes problems from the first word of chapter one to the last word on the final page.

I think I am ready to quiet the evil voice.  I am ready to replace all of that insidious verbal poison with the good stuff, the truth.

I am funny and smart, and really creative.  I know I have the potential to be a great writer.  I am an awesome mother and fabulous wife.  I am frickin’ fantastic!.

Phase 1: Day 13
 
I had a good walk Gramma’s neighborhood this afternoon.  I was walking at a slower pace but walked for a little over 14 minutes.  So, I can’t really complain.
 
I got my lower body workout done.  I am doing step ups instead of lunges to avoid too much strain on my knees.  I certainly enjoy step ups in place of the lunges, every thing except the sound.  There is a small thud every time I step up and after a while it makes me a bit batty.
 
Water = 68 ounces.  Really good! 
 
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Bye, bye…

I will be happy when 2012 is over, it was tough year all around.  It started off rough with Papa’s medical issues, worsened as his struggle became too much and he went into hospice.   In June, one of our dogs passed, followed by my 2o year old cat in October, and my sweet Labrador, Hunter the next month.   In the same week that we lost Hunter my sister’s husband had a stroke and has been hospitalized since.  

There have been good times in between, a trip to San Diego, a few trips to Disneyland, movies, birthdays, hanging out with friends, chatting on Facebook…  I am thankful for these moments and will never forget how they got me through the year.

Today, I am thinking about 2012, the good parts and the bad parts.  I’ve decided that I will keep what I have learned but I am letting go of the stress, guilt, depression, sadness, anger and regret and letting it fly away.

Bye 2012

I am looking forward to a fresh start.  I have a good feeling about 2013.  🙂

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Jazz hands…

2012 was supposed to be the year that I spent time on myself. I was going to eat better, exercise, lose the weight that’s been creeping up and up every year. I was going to rededicate myself to my writing and finally do the rewrites on my finished NaNo project from 2009. I even started this blog on January 1st so I could keep track along the way.

The year turned out to be not so good, but there was some good stuff, in between the bad. I wrote over 200 blog posts, I made some in roads personally and I cut down my Dr Pepper intake to 12 ounces or less a day.

Overall, though, I am looking forward to 2012 being over. I’ll even be nice and wave goodbye with Jazz hands.

Come on, 2013. Let’s do this!

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Lights and loss…

All year I’ve been reading the Re-inventing Fabulous blog, written by author Anne Stuart.  She actually goes by Krissie, Anne Stuart being a family/pen name.  This past year those of us that have followed this blog have been there sharing all of our experiences since last January.  

As we move towards the end of the year, Krissie has been working on wrapping up 2012.  Today, she was dealing with sorrow.

“So today let’s put lights up for those we’ve lost, people we loved who lit our lives and then moved on, leaving the warmth of their love behind.”

Here is my addition…

I am putting up lights for…

My paternal grandmother who was grand and adventurous, she organized a group of older ladies from her church every year on trips to different locales, Egypt, Italy, Ireland.

My mother who died when I was 35, she taught me not to let anyone push you around. She was 4’11″, everybody loved her and no one messed with her.

My father who died 16 months after my mom, he was a high school teacher and football coach. A renaissance man who made me believe I could do anything I wanted to do.

My father in law who told anyone and everyone that I had truly became his daughter when I married his son.

I miss them all terribly, but I feel so blessed to have known and loved them.

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How do you know…

This morning I find myself in the middle of an uncertain situation.  It’s our first Thanksgiving without Sully’s father.  We are determined to make the best of it but there’s no denying that we’ve each had our tough moments.  Sully, in particular, has had some moments that I feel have demonstrated how he has been affected by the loss.  Periodically, he is suddenly and inexplicably angry about something minor or even somewhat imaginary.  Luckily the moment passes quickly and we are able to talk and move on.  

The main issue today though, has to do with Sully’s mom.  Without a doubt, she is bearing the biggest brunt of grief.  We are trying to stay engaged with her without smothering her or making her feel like we are just going through the motions.  Boo and I have kept up our tradition of meeting with Gramma for lunch every Friday and then Sully  joining us all for dinner.  We had a lovely Thanksgiving at her house but I worry about her being alone during the long weekend.  Every other year it was a long weekend that she and Papa would have enjoyed together.  I mentioned coming over on Sunday to help her get her holiday boxes out.  She seemed neutral on the idea, not really for it and not really against it.

How do you know?  How do you know when to leave someone alone?  Or when to intervene?  It makes me crazy.  I want to help but I certainly don’t want to upset her in my attempt to make it better.  

I talked to Sully this morning and he was neutral about all of it too.  I tried not to be frustrated since I know he is trying to process things.  I mentioned that it was a long weekend to be all alone and he immediately agreed that we should try to get together with her.  

Finally, in early afternoon I sent Gramma a text suggesting we come over to her house to have a movie watching afternoon.  She had mentioned on Thanksgiving some movies that she had been wanting to watch.   I was relieved to get a positive answer.  Lunch and movies with Gramma tomorrow afternoon.  Yay!

My holiday thought…

My focus for the holidays will be Sully and Boo.  I want them to have holidays that are happy and fun.  We’ve had so many years where the holidays have taken a back seat to worry and stress.  This will not happen this year.  Fun and happiness, damn it!