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Transition…

Another week is done, Week 2 of Phase 1 went really well.  I walked over 4 miles over seven days and six walks.  I did my strength exercises Monday thru Saturday adding one new exercise to my routines.  I am quite excited that today is my day off from my exercises.  My upper body exercises were making me sore.  I have until Tuesday to recover.

I am happy to say that I am now entering Week 3.  It’s in this week where I find that I will either stick with something or I will inexplicably drop the ball.  I don’t understand it myself but it’s happened more than once.   I have started the EA Sports Active 3o Day Challenge several times.  It really only has 20 days of exercises because there are set rest days within the challenge.  I have gotten to exercise day 17 or 18 and then just stopped.  The reasons are varied but mostly it came down to the fact that I simply lost my motivation.  I’d miss a day and try to make it up and then I’d miss another day.  That day would stretch into two and then suddenly I would be completely off track.feeding the dog

This time I am not going to let that happen.  I have a plan and I am going to stick with it.  I’ve stayed on track for 14 days and I only have 7 days left.  That’s six days of walking, three days of upper body workouts and three days of lower body workouts.  I can do that, right?  When you break it down like that it doesn’t seem like that hard of a thing to do.  It doesn’t seem like it to me.  I can ignore the fact that after this week is over I fully intend to keep walking and doing my strength exercises.  Right now, all that is important is that I reach my three week goal.  That I make these activities habit, part of my daily life, as integral to my day as taking a shower or feeding the dog.  

This is the point of transition, changing these activities from ideas I want to do and have to remind myself to do into activities that I just do because they need to be done.  I don’t know why it’s so hard to convince myself to take care of me.  I’ll spend time taking care of the bunnies or other critters in the house, I would think it’d be okay to spend equal time on me.  I am ready to finish out this week and this first three week ‘phase’ strong.

Phase 1: Day 15
 
I had a good walk.  I’ve been getting pain in my shins midway through my walk.  I did some online research and it seems that power walking with long strides can cause this.  I am doing some extra stretching and my strength exercises to help my muscles adapt quicker.  In the meantime, I am going to walk a more even pace and shoot for about 12 minutes and 0.7 miles.  I did a pretty good job, I was on my last 300 yards or so when I felt my shins start to think about hurting.  I shortened my stride and was able to finish my walk without it getting out of hand.
 
No workout today but I did get an extended stretching session in before bedtime.  I was really ready for a day off from the strength exercises.
 
Water = 48 ounces –>  I seriously need to be better about drinking enough water everyday.  I am now to the point that I can tell the next day whether I had enough water the previous day.  Who knew I’d ever become one of those people.  🙂
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Believing…

Remember when I was talking about expectations and that evil voice inside your head?  Here’s something to think about.  I read an article recently, I don’t remember where and I’ve been looking for a week.  When I find it I will add a link to it here.  Anyway, the article basically said that you believe what you say.  So, if you say to yourself, “I don’t want to go play tennis, I am going to suck at it,” the chances are that you will end up sucking.  According to the article studies have been done showing that athletes that said that they would win, would win more often than those that said they would lose.  The athletes didn’t even have to believe that they would win, they just had to say it to make a difference.  

Believe

We’ve all said something and then added, “If I keep saying it maybe I’ll even start believing it.” Apparently this can actually be a true statement.  I wonder what would happen if we replaced all of our negative thoughts with positive ones.  If we replaced ‘I can’t’ with ‘I can’.  Everyone I talk to has that voice that cuts them down.  How often do people say that they themselves are their worst critic?  I have talked to a lot of writers and they always mention that inner critic that causes problems from the first word of chapter one to the last word on the final page.

I think I am ready to quiet the evil voice.  I am ready to replace all of that insidious verbal poison with the good stuff, the truth.

I am funny and smart, and really creative.  I know I have the potential to be a great writer.  I am an awesome mother and fabulous wife.  I am frickin’ fantastic!.

Phase 1: Day 13
 
I had a good walk Gramma’s neighborhood this afternoon.  I was walking at a slower pace but walked for a little over 14 minutes.  So, I can’t really complain.
 
I got my lower body workout done.  I am doing step ups instead of lunges to avoid too much strain on my knees.  I certainly enjoy step ups in place of the lunges, every thing except the sound.  There is a small thud every time I step up and after a while it makes me a bit batty.
 
Water = 68 ounces.  Really good! 
 
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Chaos…

Today had moments of complete chaos.  There was no huge thing that caused an issue but many little things that added up to a frustrating day.

Here is an email to Sully after he asked how I was doing.

“I am trying to get the last of the Christmas decorations packed up but I need ziploc bags.  The bags are with the stuff that got thrown in the laundry area.  I can’t get to it because all of the decorative boxes are stacked in there.  The boxes are stacked in there because the hamper thing* is all wobbly.  The hamper is wobbly because the people that made it used bolts instead of wood screws and so you can’t really tighten the bolts to anything.  I wanted to use ‘L’ brackets which I couldn’t find.  After a half hour of searching I finally found a pack of them. 
I put them on and it helped a lot but the hamper is still wobbly.  It needs another set of brackets attaching the crossbars to the sides to stop the lateral wobble.  I have another pack of brackets but they are missing now too.   We are working on school but the hobby room* is a mess.  I had to clear off the sewing table for Boo to do school there.  I cleared of Foley’s crate to put the sweats and shirts that I have to work on for Boo’s pjs.  Meanwhile, the Christmas stuff is still all over the place because I needed those stupid bags.  Ahhhhh!

I ended the email with, “It’s funny but frustrating.  I will be ok, just frazzled.”

That was in the morning, here is another email from the afternoon.

Sorry.  I’ve been dealing with more of the same stuff today but now the smoke detectors are going off.   That means I will have to stop at Home Depot before Boo’s dance class to buy batteries.   LaLa called and has been texting.  Oh, and get this, I was trying to set up the Paypal account but I can’t because I don’t have the account number for the new savings.  Every paper I have only has the last four digits on it.  I am going to have to go to a branch to get the full account number.  I will feel like a total airhead doing that.  I’ve got a bandage on my index finger* so texting is difficult and my phone is locked so the screen won’t turn.  I can’t figure out where to go to fix it.  By itself, none of these things are a big deal but altogether with the stuff from this morning just make me feel like screaming.
 
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So, yeah, none of these things are huge issues.  Each one individually would be annoying but not a big deal.  Except maybe the smoke detectors going off that is always a pain.  I had to bring in the ladder to unplug a couple of them until I could get new batteries.  

There were a couple of points there that I thought screaming was my only option.  Luckily I was able to take a step back, followed by a deep breath and then I was able to start handling things one by one.  Once I started getting things taken care of, then I didn’t feel so overwhelmed.  It’s always good to break things down into smaller steps.  It allows you to put it all in perspective.  One thing at a time, then move on to the next thing.

I am happy to report that after the initial ‘L’ brackets were installed I was able to stack the decorative boxes back on the hamper frame.  Boo and I were able to get schoolwork done with out too much hassle.  I was able to pack up the boxes of Christmas decorations and move them into the garage (There’s still more to do *sigh*).  I bought batteries at Home Depot and I will install them tomorrow.  I found the information about the savings account.  My finger is almost healed thanks to the bandage.  I fixed my phone, thank you to Google for help finding the answer.

*Notes*

Hamper thing = It has a wood frame with a off white canvas bag that slides out on a frame.  We use it for kitchen towels and other household type linens to be washed.  It sits at the end of our hallway in front of the linen closet.

Hobby room = The third bedroom; Sully’s hobby room, my craft closet and Boo’s school room.

Index finger = It’s been really cold and dry here.  The dryness coupled with the dust of the crates and decorations the end of my index finger split.  It was tiny like a paper cut and oddly enough it hurt as bad a paper cut.  I put some triple antibiotic cream covered it  with gauze and then wrapped some tape on it.  Of course then the end of my finger was like three times as big, it looked like a cartoon.  I am only telling you this so you understand why texting was a pain.

Phase 1: Day 9…
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The day was chaotic and I didn’t  have the chance to walk.  Although I did map our trek through Home Depot and we walked 0.2 miles.  So that’s something.

Lower body workout  went well, I added leg curls and leg extensions.  I decided to do just one set of 15 repetitions, just to get into the new routine.

Water = 32 ounces.  It’s really cold today, with the cold and the chaos I didn’t get to drink much water.  I definitely need to be better about this tomorrow.

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Coping…

I spent today packing up Christmas decorations and watching football.  Overall, the day was somewhat disappointing.  I am still not done with the decorations and the Broncos lost in overtime to the Ravens.

In all honesty, the Christmas decorations are mostly packed.  I have a lot of crates that are ready to be moved into the garage.  It was dark by the time the game was over.  I will move them first thing in the morning.  After that I have to pack up the inside decorations and the large items that get packed in the big zippered bags.

The zippered bags are awesome.  I have three of these large square bags.  I use these to pack small Christmas trees, baskets, garlands, and other decorations that are too big or oddly shaped to go in the crates.

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This cube is super cool too and it is amazingly roomy.  In the cube, I can fit a large basket filled with a floral arrangement, a window decoration, plastic placemats, a hanging card holder, two large grapevine wreaths, a medium straw wreath,  and two small straw wreaths.
I need to get another storage cube, I love how much I can get into it.
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As for the Broncos, I am really bummed.  It was a great season and Peyton Manning deserved to get farther into the playoffs.  I keep trying to look at the silver lining, Peyton didn’t play at all last year and for him to get his team this far into the playoffs is amazing. I guess at this point all I can do is hope for a better season next year.  Positive thoughts, right?!
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I feel that I should add that although I titled this post “Coping” I am being somewhat sarcastic.  I am fully aware that dealing holiday decorations and losing a football games aren’t life disasters.  After everything that happened in 2012, I am thankful for what I have and I feel truly blessed.  I was just bummed and wanted to whine.  That is all.  🙂
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Phase 1:  Day 7…
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So between packing boxes and yelling at the TV I forgot to walk. I was already pretty bummed and realizing that I didn’t take my walk didn’t help my mood at all.  I suppose walking six days out of seven is a great improvement to zero days out of seven.
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Upper body workout –  this was also completely forgotten.  Luckily I can do these on Sunday.  I don’t plan anything but more intense stretching so that it can be an overflow day.  I can catch up on any strength workouts to finish the week off.
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Water = 48 ounces
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Permission…

I am often surprised after finishing a project. Usually it’s a project that I have put off for months, possibly years.  My surprise comes from how quick and easy the project ended up being.  I put off making a cornice box over our kitchen window for the longest time and it took less than an hour to make.  It took longer to sew the valance for the cornice box.  

There have been several other projects that have gone the same way.  I cut a cat door into the garage and moved the litter boxes out of the house.  We had those weird sliding doors in the bedrooms that overlapped cutting off easy access to that middle part of the garage, I removed them in Boo’s room and put up a curtain.  I ended up doing the same in the third bedroom.  It really helped, it was much easier to get into the closet and it made the room look bigger.  I could name a few other projects but that’s not the point.

The point is that I have put off taking care of me for far too long.  Just like these projects I have seen myself as a project that was overwhelming.  The “me” project was going to take too long.  It’s too involved.  There’s no foreseeable end.   Too much time and effort.  I need to focus on Sully, Boo, or (insert name here).   There are so many more important things that I need to fix first.

I had thought of all of the excuses to not take care of me.  This year I am thinking about all of the reasons that I should take care of me.  It’s not overwhelming, I can make small changes along the way.  There is no time limit, I am a work in progress.  I need to take care of me so that I can help everyone else.  The hardest… I am important, my well being is important not only to me but to everyone around me.

It was easy to write those reasons but it will take some time before they sink in.  I will continue to repeat them to myself until I believe it.  It is clear to me that it will be a struggle some days.  I am giving myself permission to focus on myself.  I am starting to realize that a better me will be more helpful to Boo and Sully.  It makes sense that a healthier, stronger and more well rested me would be better prepared to face the challenges in our lives.

I’ve realized this past year that I really want to make this change not only for me but also for Boo.  I watched my mom put everyone ahead of herself time and time again.  I understand it and of course, I see myself doing it now.  The problem is that over time she became fairly bitter about it.  The other side effect of her ignoring her needs is that she never went to the doctor and her health suffered.  I want Boo to learn that it’s important to take good care of yourself.  I want to be that good example for Boo.

It’s not going to be easy but I am going to try to make more moments that are all about me.  It’s important, and after all I have my permission.

Phase 1:  Day 4…
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I had a good walk I am up to 12 minutes.

Today was my lower body workout.  2 sets of 15, with only minor fatigue at the end of the second set.  

Water = 56 ounces