Facing the Fear…

Today, I was discussing writing in an email and I wrote this…

I think I am subconsciously telling myself that if I don’t try, then I won’t fail.  Of course the flip side is the whole, if you don’t try, you won’t succeed thing too but my subconscious isn’t listening to any of that.  I told my husband that I am scared to death that I am going to find out that my writing blows.  After all of this work and wanting to do this since I was a kid that thought is terrifying.  So, it’s easier to let it sit.    

All of it is true, and that’s why I am talking about it.  I am so terrified that my writing sucks goats that I would rather not write at all.  Everyday I think about writing.  Everyday I tell myself to write.  Everyday I get mad because I didn’t write the day before.  Everyday.  

If I haven’t been writing then I have weird dreams that make no sense.  After a bit I realize it’s not even me in the dream, they’re characters in a story that I should be writing.  My subconscious brain is giving me a push, and I need to listen.

Earlier this week, author Kevin Hearne posted the following on Facebook.  

Kevin Hearne
Wahoo! Got 2K words finished today and it feels good to get back into the groove. I am currently at the stage where I love my story. Later I’ll be convinced it’s utter rubbish because that’s the nature of a writer’s neurosis, but right now life is good and I’m gonna play with the doggies a bit.
It’s clear that my fear is a common issue for writers, it’s also clear that some of us must be working through it.  After all books are being written, edited and published all the time.
I talked to Sully earlier this year telling him about my fears.  Right away he told me that I was not a bad writer.  My first reaction was that he loves me and of course he is going to say that.  As we talked though, I started to say positive things. 
— Ok, so maybe this story is awful but I can figure out what’s wrong and fix it.  Then when I write the next story it will be a little better.  Just like anything else the more that you do something the better you will be.   I can hear my dad’s voice in my head at this point.  ‘You’re making this harder than it needs to be.  Don’t think about it just sit down and write.’   He’s right, overthinking it won’t help. I need to write what comes to me and deal with any issues in editing and rewrites.  
Warning: Sports analogy – you aren’t going to the Super Bowl, World Series, NBA championships or the Olympics after your first game or match.  You have to step onto the field, court or arena over and over again.  Why should it be any different for me?
Now I need to work on getting the logical voice to silence the neurotic one long enough to get something done. Practice makes perfect, right?  Or at least better than when you started.

June+1My June +1 for today is using free weights to do arm exercises.  I am hoping to do them Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

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